Carried in His arms

This is going to be the testimony I am going to share with newcomers and dear friends at my church: Of God's faithfulness and love for me in my lowest of lows since December last year. This account is of course not fabricated in any sort, nor is it supposed to be. THIS is my personal story of how God led me through this tumultuous times and is still carrying me, in His arms.

For many of you, especially those who have known me in school, would unanimously agree that I am of the ENFJ personality type: Loud, straightforward, critical, jovial, intelligent and 'witty'. In church too, I am much the same, though perhaps a bit more reserved. That said, as I begin to familiarise myself with my brethen, I am slowly 'coming out of my shell' and am pretty much the same Chong Lip in school as in church.

It has been 2.6 years since I surrendered my life to Jesus. As I reminisce, it tickles me as to how idealistic I have been: To think that all things would proceed smoothly now that I have become a Christian. I wouldn't be hypocritical and say that God has blessed my family richly or my relationships richly as of now. But He has blessed my life richly, and I can confidently proclaim that He has made me a better person, a wholer person, than before. I would very possibly degenerate to a beastly like thing have I not followed Christ. So, thank you God, for choosing me.

Last december, after I went back home from the 'THINK' camp in church, I found out that my dad has not been at home, for a few days already. He only came back in 2 weeks. And left in the wee hours again. Without a word of notice. He didn't dare look at me in the eye when he came back, it must have been guilt of a strange kind. My father became a stranger to me. My mum, being Mrs Bennet, was hysterical, writhing, going through rages and bouts of depression, worsened by the fact that some friend of hers witnessed seeing my dad with another 'pretty, China woman'. My siblings didn't care, I was the one who tried to console her, to assure her, when I myself struggled inside; I simply could not ascertain that my dad was unfaithful to my mum; That God allowed such a thing to happen in my family . That period as short as 2 weeks could be said to be the absolute worst in my life.

Now, where is God's promise as in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " I felt battered, wearied, lost, without hope and still, acting as if I am alright and well, outside the confines of my home. How futile it is, how unsustainable, to keep up this double life of mine.

Many times, I asked God. I ask him, why is this happening to me, why do I have to be in this family. I envisioned myself worse off than a starving baby languishing in the slums of Africa. Though he didn't have food, he had not tasted the emotional anguish that assailed me.

I pored over the Bible, read the Daily Bread daily, since there was no one else I could turn to. I didn't know my church friends well enough, and I only told them a slice of what was happening in my family. Grief was my friend.

I began to journal down my thoughts and prayers. I wrote down verses which God revealed to me through His Word, and mediated upon them.

Sunday, December 16, 2007. This was the first verse i jotted down. Psalm 46.10 - Be still, and know that I am God. Indeed, the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12) I felt so strongly God's peace and presence as I quieted down my spirit and just 'Be still'. Even as I am typing this now, God is ministering to me. I was enlightened in a sense, how silly i have been not to hope and trust in God, whom is the creator of Heaven and Earth.

I would also like to share with you another verse from 2 Corinthians 4:8-9- We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. May this bring hope to those of whom are hurting, despairing, for God is always there for you.

Remember the Lord, who is GREAT and AWESOME, Nehemiah(in 4:14) says. Though things are still quite as bad as before, God has heard my prayers and begun a recuperative process in my family. Though the devil continues to throw snares, I can know that what God promised in Jeremiah 29:11 is not a feint one. For this is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us-whatever we ask- we know that we have what we asked of Him. (1 John 5:14-15)

Even if it is restoring peace between my siblings and I, and the reconciliating the relationships between my parents, and even with some of my friends whom I have ignored, God is mighty and able to. Thank you Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.

I hope that you will come to accept God and His love for you. Make a personal choice today, to follow Him.

P.S. Those observant ones would realise that I didnt blog during December, January because I simply wasn't in the best state of mind :p